But I know the truth…

It’s been a hard few days.  Dealing with the show and the “breakup” which wasn’t really a “breakup” has taken a toll on me.  On top of which I’ve started a new job, which I felt really really good about, until the new manager showed up and started out by saying, in a gruff French accent, that he wasn’t there to be anybody’s friend.  Ok then.

I’ve made some decisions regarding Seamus and how I felt and what I wanted.  He missed my show yesterday and offered to make it up by taking me out for a beer.  Bad idea.  A little alcohol mixed with a lot of honesty bursting to get out, equals a big mess.  But at least the truth is out there.

Something I learned about him early on was that he carries around a certain amount of self-centeredness.  Of course he does, he’s an artist.  I think that it is a requirement of all artistic people to be somewhat self-centered.  But, his led to not communicating very clearly and assuming that he had all the answers, knew what I was thinking and what I wanted.  I spent a lot of time quietly trying to suss him out, figure out who he is.  Well, I don’t have to be quiet anymore.  I will be out-spoken, and direct in dealing with him from now on.

And I was last night after 3 pints.

It feels awful to be rejected, when there was nothing to reject in the first place.  He just did it… I don’t know why he did it…  There was no need to end “nothing” so why did he make such a fucking big deal out of it?

Anyway, it felt good to explode at him.  To say what I meant.  Probably what I should’ve said a long time ago.

So, I don’t know what will happen now, but at least I feel empowered again.  And he knows the truth.

1 Comment

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One response to “But I know the truth…

  1. i’m so sorry you’re having a hard time… i have nothing to offer but support and generic platitudes that sadly won’t help you feel better..

    hugs from afar

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